Why Diabetic Pacifist?

I am a diabetic pacifist. I bet you probably don't hear those words together a lot, but it's true. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes two years ago and now must maintain a scrupulous control over my blood glucose to obviate complications down the road. Acquiring the self-discipline required for success in this endeavor was a gargantuan stretch for me, but it has helped me maintain a disciplined existence in other facets of my life as well.

The pacifist part of me comes from my Christian convictions. As a dedicated follower of Jesus Christ, I have committed myself to following his example of self-sacrificial love of neighbor and humble service to my God. Several years ago, the incompatibility between on one hand loving one’s enemy, as Jesus taught and exemplified, and on the other hand killing him or her, as the world teaches us to do, was made manifest in my theological reflections. Following Jesus, I discovered, entails “following in his steps” (1 Peter 2:21) of suffering love for the sake of others, and this has fostered in me a deep love of the holistic peace of the reign of God.

In the service of this reign therefore, I have been called to a teaching vocation. I am a first year Ph.D. student studying Christian ethics, and am seeking to transform my passion for God’s peace into an educational ministry, teaching Christian disciples what it means to take up our cross and follow the Prince of Peace. My master’s thesis, Proclaiming the Gospel of Peace: Living Faithfully According to the Original Vision, is under consideration for publication by Cascadia Publishing House, and (God-willing) this will be the start of my writing career as an extension of my passion for teaching in the service of the church.

The two self-descriptors with which I opened this essay, diabetes and pacifism, while seemingly unrelated, are actually different extensions of one overarching theme in my life- radical dependence on God’s gracious provision. At the time of my diagnosis, I demonstrated the typical adolescent bravado regarding my health- I carried myself as if I were invincible. But when the doctor broke the news to me that my pancreas had ceased producing insulin on its own, the extreme fragility of human life, including my own, was painfully driven home and I was reminded that every breath I draw is the gift of God. Likewise, in embracing Christ’s call to willing humility and weakness for the sake of others and to renounce power and security of my own strength, I have learned to step out in faith and to trust in God for all good things. I need not fight nor kill, and I am set free from fear, for the Lord is my strength. With faith in the power of God for my well-being, I am freed to love dangerously, living faithfully to his call to empty myself as Christ himself did on my behalf.

Thus, I call myself a “diabetic pacifist.” It is an unusual self-description to be sure, but the term is an apt description of who I am, for it encapsulates two superficially unrelated, yet deeply intertwined facets of my identity that point to the transcendent Source of my health, my security, and my very life itself. It’s just who I am.